Survivors cannot cannot be “rescued” or “fixed” by others. Although we are not responsible for our trauma, we are responsible for our healing. No one can do that for us.
Stopping presenting behaviors and/or circumstances (addictions, abuse, etcetera) is only the beginning. It clears the way to the beginning of Owning our Story, Finding our Voice and Speaking our Truth; it allows us to hear our thoughts, feel our emotions and reflect on our choices and the patterns in our lives. It paves the way to a new vision for our futures and gives us the clarity to clearly see what no longer serves. This is where true recovery from trauma begins …yet it is often where most survivors are left to work through things on their own. This is because their inner chaos is no longer reflected in their external lives for others to see. It is all internal work… of the hardest kind.
Recovery is less about stopping presenting behaviors and/or circumstances and more about processing the trauma that made you vulnerable to that behavior or circumstance in the first place. It is about accepting who you are today – including your flaws – with compassion, grace and hope for a better tomorrow. Recovery is taking each day as it comes – good or bad – and trusting that, as you do the work to grow, you will become wiser, stronger and more confident.
Recovery is not an overnight experience; it happens in stages (peel that onion) and, as we recover, we are always discovering new aspects of ourselves that need our attention and growth. If it is complex or developmental trauma that you are working through, I believe the process can be more challenging because the trauma is “rooted” (your identity and/or defense mechanisms and way of seeing people and the world has developed around the trauma) and “unrooting” takes time, patience and self compassion. Recovery from trauma can take a LONG time (I have NOT arrived lol)… but it gets more comfortable to walk through the process as our self compassion and self acceptance grows.